This is our in depth guide to the signs that your ex boyfriend misses you.
In this article you’re going to learn what I consider to be eight of the most important signs to keep an eye out for.
- They bring up specific “peak-end” moments in your relationship
- The timing of when they contact you
- Pay attention to the time they are stalking you on social media
- They post a love based “quote or song”
- Pay attention to the “word bubbles” during unsent messages
- Pay attention to the quality and quantity of conversations
- They block you and then unblock you
- They have a rebound but spend more time talking to you
So, if you’re ready to go “all in” on learning about your ex boyfriend then you’re definitely in the right place.
What are your chances with your ex?
Take my simple two minute quiz to get an honest accounting of your chances.
Take the Quiz
Sign #1: They Bring Up Specific “Peak-End” Moments In Your Relationship
If you aren’t familiar with the peak end rule then it’s definitely something you need to learn about. Not only will it help you learn an interesting fact about the way our memories operate but you’ll find there are a lot of applications when it comes to dealing with ex boyfriends.
So, what is it?
According to the Nielsen Norman Group,
The Peak End Rule: is a cognitive bias that impacts how people remember past events. Intense positive or negative moments (the “peaks”) and the final moments of an experience (the “end”) are heavily weighted in our mental calculus.
In other words, after a breakup your ex boyfriend will be thinking a lot about the peaks and the end of your relationship because that’s what his brain will naturally hone in on.
So, if you’re looking to diagnose if your ex boyfriend is missing you one accurate sign is if they bring up positive peak moments a lot.
I say positive because if you look at the definition above it is possible that some ex boyfriends can hone in on negative peak moments. While we do find that there is some evidence to support an ex bringing up negative moments and having them miss you I don’t like to count it because it usually leads to a fight.
Remember, the opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference.
But I’m getting off topic here.
One thing our research is clear on is that most of our clients end up dating an ex who has avoidant tendencies.
The interesting thing about avoidants is that they do end up missing you just not when you would expect them to. In early 2021 I filmed a video called “how to make an avoidant ex miss you.”
In the video I argue that the avoidant ex will miss you but only after they believe you have completely moved on from them. Why? Simply put, at that point they fill safe to have nostalgic feelings. This is generally when the peak end rule comes into play.
When your ex boyfriend is going on this nostalgia trip they’ll typically reach out to you and start talking about those positive peak moments.
It’s definitely a sign they are missing you.
Sign #2: The Timing Of When They Contact You
The next two signs are kind of connected as they both revolve around “time.” First things first, let’s hone in on the timing of when they contact you and show you why this is a good sign to determine if your ex boyfriend is missing you.
I have a personal theory that we tend to think on the things we regret at night before bed.
It sounds odd but if you really think about it there is a connection between regret and missing.
Usually you only begin missing something after you have regret related to it. If we operate with that framework then we need to study the tenets of regret in order to understand when an ex boyfriend misses you.
What are your chances with your ex?
Take my simple two minute quiz to get an honest accounting of your chances.
Take the Quiz
The thing about regret is that if you’re occupied you don’t have time to really dwell on it. Therefore, the most likely time you are to feel regret is when you are left completely alone. When are you more alone than when you go to bed.
If you’re like me you probably sit with your phone or iPad trying to find something to do to help you fall asleep.
What we tend to find is that it’s at this exact point that an ex who misses you will begin to reach out. Sometimes if they have trouble falling asleep it’s even better because they start having these hail mary thoughts of doing something to capture your attention.
So, if your ex boyfriend is consistently texting you between the times 11Pm – 4Am it’s a pretty good bet that they’re missing you.
Let’s move on and talk about the second timing sign.
Sign #3: Pay Attention To The Time They Are Stalking You On Social Media
Research tells us that there’s a 90% chance that your ex boyfriend will be “facebook stalking” you after a breakup.
When I was researching for this article I went to our private facebook support group full of thousands of women who are going through breakups and stumbled across this post in relation to “signs your ex is missing you.”
“He’s looking at all of my facebook and instagram stories and stalking and liking my posts on my social media pages at 2am. He likes old posts of our good memories and then will end up reposting a photo of himself taken my be years ago. I guess these were signs he was missing me.”
Once again you’ll see time play a factor here except this time instead of direct contact your ex boyfriend is using indirect means of communicating.
- He may like your old posts.
- He may repost a photo taken by you
- He may look at your instagram stories
If you’re seeing this behavior happen late into the night then the shoe probably fits.
Sign #4: The Post A Love Based Quote Or Song On Social Media
This is something I see a lot from my clients which is why I know it exists.
So, if you’re going on social media and your ex boyfriend posts something like this,
It’s a pretty good bet that they’re thinking about you at the very least.
Does it mean they miss you?
Not necessarily.
But it’s a stepping stone towards that.
Remember my quote above?
The opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference.
The worst case scenario for you would be to deal with an ex boyfriend who literally ghosts you. Yes, this means we’d rather see an ex yell at you or post passive aggressive posts on social media.
I thought it would be fun to talk about real life examples of “sappy quotes” or “videos.”
So, here are a few real ones I’ve seen lately within our private facebook group.
What are your chances with your ex?
Take my simple two minute quiz to get an honest accounting of your chances.
Take the Quiz
While it isn’t explicitly stated every single one of these social media posts relate to relationships or breakups in some way. They are meant to be some passive aggressive tag towards you.
Which to me means your ex is thinking about you.
Sign #5: Pay Attention To “Word Bubbles” During Unsent Text Messages
Everyone knows those “word bubbles” that indicate someone is typing a message for you.
Well, it turns out that those very “word bubbles” might be a hidden key to seeing if your ex boyfriend misses you.
I can’t claim credit for this one.
Once again, our private facebook support group gets all the credit.
“Catt says it’s those unsent messages that matter. My ex and I communicate mostly through Discord and you can see someone when they’re typing. I will often be chatting with a friend on there and I’ll see the “…” that means he’s typing. But I’ll never get a message. This happened a lot during the no contact phases and a few times during early texting phase.”
So, make sure you pay attention every once in a while to see if your ex boyfriend is typing a message to you but falters on it.
Sign #6: Pay Attention To The Quality And Quantity Of Conversations
Wait, isn’t it supposed to be quality over quantity?
Normally I’d say yes but in a case where we are really trying to determine if your ex boyfriend misses you what we need is a steady diet of both.
Here’s the interesting paradox though, often when you find yourself in a situation where you are having a lot of quality conversations you question the validity of if he really misses you when he hasn’t taken any meaningful step to commit to you.
Believe it or not but pride is a thing where they can be on the cusp of wanting you back but don’t want to pull the trigger for fear of being “wrong.”
It’s that whole concept where they broke up with you because they thought being with you was a mistake but after testing the waters a bit and realizing it’s not as easy in the wild as they thought they start wanting to come back.
The problem here though is their pride.
But let’s take pride out of the equation.
We already know that investment is a huge component when it comes to making an ex commit to you. In other words, if they are investing a lot of time and energy talking to you it’s a good thing.
What are your chances with your ex?
Take my simple two minute quiz to get an honest accounting of your chances.
Take the Quiz
So, I really want you to pay attention to how many conversations you are having and the quality of those conversations. Generally speaking if you’re having a lot of conversations and they are meaningful that means your ex does miss you.
Even if they haven’t committed to you yet.
Sign #7: They Block You And Then Unblock You
Going through a breakup is a lot like the swing of a pendulum.
You’ll find that often an ex boyfriend will play the hot and cold game with you.
Now, we’ve talked a lot about why they are doing that in the past.
Really though the most extreme version of it is their incessant need to block you and then unblock you. Swinging from one extreme to the next.
We see this a lot during the no contact rule believe it or not and if you really think about it, it makes total sense.
By implementing a period of no contact on your ex boyfriend you are removing power from them. The power of talking to you. So, their knee jerk reaction is to try to take that power back by escalating.
So, they block you.
Most of our clients freak out when that happens as evidenced here.
I blurred out half of the comment because it’s important for the point I’m going to make next. There’s no doubt that getting blocked sucks. You feel as if your relationship meant nothing to your ex boyfriend.
Andrea featured above was in what I consider to be a “full out” block.
This means she was blocked on,
- Her phone
- Whasapp
- Skype
- EVERYWHERE
But her ex boyfriend still missed her. How do I know?
Well, here’s the rest of her message.
“It means literally nothing. I called and left a voicemail and he called me within 5 minutes. Sometimes people think they’re powerful and in control so they do these things to stroke their own ego but that doesn’t mean you’ll never speak to them again.”
So clearly he unblocked her.
Why?
Probably because he hit a point where nostalgia became so high he had to see what she was up to.
Sign #8: They Have A Rebound But Spend More Time Talking To You
Last year I filmed a really great YouTube video on rebound relationships that is especially relevant here.
In it I explore what to do if you find your ex has moved on to someone new.
But I make an interesting point in there.
Researchers believe they’ve found a link between how often an ex boyfriend will talk to you and their current dissatisfaction with their current partner.
In other words, if your ex boyfriend has a new girlfriend and spends more time talking to you then it could be an indication that they are unhappy in that relationship.
This is another reason for why we think the being there method is such a powerful tactic.
If you don’t know what that is then you should watch this video immediately.
There is one final thing I’d like to talk to you about.
A Final Word
Don’t be discouraged if there is no obvious indication that your ex boyfriend is missing you. Most exes choose to suffer in silence and from the outside looking in no one would know anything was wrong.
What matters in the end is that you are living your best life and your ex boyfriend becomes jealous of that.
Play the long game.
What are your chances with your ex?
Take my simple two minute quiz to get an honest accounting of your chances.
Take the Quiz